Winter is here! Having said that, we must regretfully announce that winter driving is here as well. Let’s relieve some of the tension of skidding and gridlock with humorous tips for winter driving that have an underlying element of truth to them. DISCLAIMER: These are NOT actual driving tips. They are meant to be funny….please keep it that way.
1. KNOW WHERE YOU ARE GOING AND THAT IT WILL NOT LOOK REMOTELY CLOSE TO WHERE YOU ARE GOING WITH SNOW ON TOP.
Snow is the ultimate camouflage. It can make almost anything unrecognizable. If the armed forces could get the secret formula, we could have won every war with this stuff.
2. SLOW DOWN! (…..at least until a drifting opportunity presents itself)
Empty parking lots at 6:00a.m., open fields, etc. These are prime spots for sliding and testing out your 4WD.
3. KEEP THE LANE TO YOURSELF
If you want a clear view in your mirror, be the loser who doesn’t dust off the roof of their car. Whatever you do, don’t pull to the left lane or put your hazard lights on. The lady behind you with two kids in the car seat will be rear ending you soon. Just keep your blinker going and stay in the passing lane. Don’t let her off that easy.
4. WITH 4-WHEEL DRIVE, YOU ARE UNSTOPPABLE
Experts say that Four-Wheel Drive does not keep you from sliding on snow or ice. It gives you traction to get out of places with little or no grip. You can still flip your stupid car, 4wd or not. Ignore all that and gun it!
5. TRY AS BEST YOU CAN TO BE FEATURED ON YOUTUBE
Everyone deserves their 15 minutes of fame. You are not exempt. Whether stuck in a ditch, sliding into a snow bank, taking out 15 cars on one street, etc. Go after stardom whole-heartedly!
6. GET UP & GET OUT THERE!!!
Sleeping in is one sure way to avoid mishaps
7. THOSE WHO DRIVE FASTER HAVE BETTER BRAKES
….AND THOSE WHO DRIVE SLOWER HAVE BETTER INSURANCE
8. WHEN THE ROAD IS SLIPPERY, CHANGE LANES AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE
9. YOU ARE THE EXPERT. THE OTHER DRIVERS HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE DOING
10. TIME TO GET SERIOUS
These last few tips are serious. I couldn’t do this list without giving you actual help for surviving. I wish the best for all our readers and want you to be here next year to enjoy our future exploits. Please be smart and be safe
* Pack a Winter Safety Kit
First Aid Kit, Flashlight, Non-Perishable Snacks, A Set of Warm Dry Winter Gear, Blanket, Scraper/Brush, Jumper Cables or Battery Booster, Flares, Tire Chains, Small Folding Shovel.
* Drink & Carry Plenty of Water
Having water is vital if you are stuck for a long period of time.
* If You Are Stranded, Remain In Your Car
Ensure that your exhaust pipe is clear and unobstructed so that carbon monoxide does not enter the vehicle. The heat from your body should maintain a sustainable temperature in the car until help arrives.
* Get A Phone, Keep It Charged
Being able to call for help could save your life.
* Keep gas in the tank
If not full, certainly no less than ¼ of a tank.
* Real drivers park early
People who like to drive get out of the way of those who don’t. It never works the other way around.
* Buy good CD’s
Let’s face it, you will have to drive slower, leave earlier and take longer in your journeys. You might want them to be enjoyable. This may not be the time, however, for a game of “what does this do” with the buttons in your car.
Your automotive needs are in the kitchen and the bathroom
(I love Auto Supply Stores, but I save a ton of money by just adding a few things to my grocery list)
Your wipers squeaky? Get some rubbing alcohol or ammonia.
Got frost on windows? Get a spray bottle with 3 parts water/1 part vinegar.
Your car door frozen shut? Just rub cooking spray into the rubber
Your windshield foggy on the inside? Wipe on and off shaving cream on the inside of the windshield.
Door locks frozen? Simply put hand sanitizer on the key.
Tires spinning? Keep a bag of kitty litter in the car.