Well…..despise is a strong word, but since we got your attention, let’s just say that these people are probably wonderful, law-abiding, decent individuals. Like everyone else, they have their faults, which in their case, is their driving. Let me also say that at any given time, we can all become one of these people. All it takes is a bad day, a temporary lapse in judgment or a lack of concern for our fellow drivers to make us all despicable. I share with you now the driving traits that simply get on my nerves (and, no doubt, yours too).
The fellow who puts on no signal or signals at the last minute
These people always seem to drive new cars. Doesn’t your 2013 Mazda 6 come equipped with a turn signal? Didn’t you know you needed to turn there? Are you the only car on the road?
The person who won’t brush the snow off the car
As if the snow itself weren’t enough, you have to drive around while providing me with a personal blizzard from the snow drift on top of your car. You mean to tell me you won’t clean the headlights off either? The heat from the headlamps DOES NOT melt the snow. Get a broom, a brush, your foot, anything. Make an effort to clean your car off so the rest of us can be safe.
The one who wants to kill us all
Your personal death wish should not include me. Getting on the freeway at 40mph endangers me. Slowing down three blocks ahead of your turn with your signal on endangers me. Making your own lane so you can pull off first at the stop light endangers me. Driving 10 mph slower than the flow of traffic endangers me. I don’t mind too much if you want to kill yourself, but hey, I had plans tonight to watch the game, not to end up in traction.
Mr. or Mrs. Oblivious
I can hear the music on their radio playing “Dum-Di-Dum” as they coast along looking straight ahead. It never ceases to amaze me that there are people on the road who have no regard for anyone else. These are the people who drive too close, drive in more than one lane at a time or just seem to drive as if they never expected the rest of us to leave the house today.
Why go around the block when you can block traffic
You’ve waited on a crowded, narrow street for the light to change three times, just creeping along. Finally, you are close enough to get out of the fray, when the guy in front of you decides they want to make a left turn…..NOW! Couldn’t you have gone around the block, made the turn earlier or, God-forbid, park and walk across the street? Now we will miss the light…again.
The Non-Truck Driver
Listen, moron, you cannot merge onto the freeway in front of a truck at 37 mph. I see people make mistakes all the time because they don’t know how to share the road with trucks. Get a clue, will ya?
Blizzard, rainstorm, traffic, funeral it doesn’t matter. No matter where, there will be someone driving and talking on the phone. Studies have shown that one cannot pilot a car with the proper focus while driving or texting and these people do it in ALL conditions. This also goes for those of you who read the paper, check your Facebook accounts, put on makeup, groom your dog, pretend you are a Pop star and all manner of distracting behaviors. Your hands are on the wheel, but your mind is on something else. These are obviously mutants, far superior to normal humans. Therefore they, like Wolverine, need to be registered….or captured.
The race car driver
Why does the guy in the Corvette have to drive as if he’s in a Ford Focus? Yet the guy in the Ford Focus drives like he thinks he has a Corvette. Even Demolition Derby has rules for reckless driving, pal. Jumping lanes, riding bumpers screeching off from a stop and generally being a jerk are not pre-requisites for being signed by Andretti-Green Racing. The police say it like this “too fast for conditions”. Look, unless you are a Keystone Cop, John Force on fire or have a woman in labor in the passenger’s seat, just get up a little earlier. Okay?
The Politician or The Bureaucrat
I call them Bureaucrat because they impede progress. This is the person who will stop in the middle of the street to let someone out instead of pulling into the available parking space. Letting the elderly or disabled out is the exception, of course. You are also the one who will never notice that the light has changed, leave me in anticipation for miles while keeping your signal on or need to get into the left lane because you failed to see the construction in the right lane and prey upon the mercies of those who pay attention to the signs. The Politician is the person who needs to stop and talk in the middle of the street. I know that every vote counts and that you really are having an important conversation, so why don’t you invite the other person into the car and drive around the block. Sheeeesh!
The 2F2P…Too slow to follow, Too fast to pass
I loathe this behavior. Especially when I have on a signal and you can see that I want to get on with my life. A normal human being would speed up to get past me or slow down to let me get in front of you. Now you have me trapped in a lane behind a slower car while you lazily cruise in a lane with no traffic. Where is the General Lee when you need it?
25 everywhere….just drive
Let me just ask you; are you afraid of the car? You are seriously going to tell me you are not going to do the speed limit. I must admit, I find myself speeding a little occasionally, but I never got a citation for going too slow. There are 17 cars behind you. Because of my respect for the elderly, I exclude them, although they are predominately the culprits. I just think they should have their own lane. You, in a weird way, are just as dangerous as the race car driver guy/gal. Is it that your ankles are weak or is it that the pedals don’t work?
Don’t you live here?
I live in Chicago and I still don’t know or the life of me why people who have the same city sticker that I do, seem to forget that there are certain streets that get narrow, there are certain lanes you can turn in and there are subtle nuances that each city’s traffic has. Did you just move here or did you forget? There are two turning lanes but if you want to make a hard left, why get in the right lane? Careless Newbie.
The Most Intoxicated Man In The World
Don’t blame s Equis. It is because of you that a 19-year old college Freshman with a full scholarship will never make it through the first semester. You are the reason a mother and her three children won’t see Christmas. A 7-year old boy will never play catch again with his Dad, but the Father keeps the football on the mantle next to his picture. You, sir/ma’am cause us to stay extra seconds at a stop sign in fear of your sudden arrival. You make us weary of going through intersections after we’ve worked 2nd and 3rd shift for fear that you are too inebriated to notice the lights. If you are content with this, it is evident that you have no regard for my life or yours. You and Osama Bin Laden are committing the same crime in my opinion.
In China, you have to know how to exit a rolling vehicle to get a driving license, The German Führerschein is so complex with regard to who gets it and where you live, it takes almost a year to obtain. This is the only country where we groan about wanting to drive and then, when given the chance, find other things to do while behind the wheel. Let’s face it people, we have become a country that loves cars, but hates to drive them. The automobile was meant to be enjoyed safely and respectfully. Let’s uphold the dreams of those who went before to make the automobile the grand and exciting invention that we know today and use it — not as a simple appliance, but to enjoy it as a symbol of mobile American freedom.
[Photo Source: Spodie Odie Flickr]