Happy Hallowheels!

Toyota Prius

As we approach Halloween, we are allowed to tap into our weirdest and most gruesome mindset, and display that in extravagant fashion. Just as you would pick out a morbid or over-the-top costume, you should consider what you will roll up in to the Annual Halloween Ball. After all, many auto manufacturers have been planning this holiday all along with some precarious designs.

While beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I am sure that someone, somewhere in a corporate design room dropped their head in their hands when they heard some of these designs were approved for production. I chose not to include the Pontiac Aztek as a benchmark. It has received enough ridicule over the years here and from various other scribes. However, the same man who designed the Aztek, penned the 2014 Corvette – shuts your mouth, doesn’t it? I also chose not to include anything with a Bangle-Butt. I have used these pages to defend Mr. Bangle before and, after all…you bought them. Butt and all!

Finally, I chose to leave out cars like the Toyota iQ and other examples of carmakers doing what everyone else was doing at the time. Ugly is supposed to stand out. Is it really ugly if everyone else has one? I will also not go over to Europe or Asia where we have people scurrying around in a plethora of horrifying little boxes. All cars on this list are available in the U.S. and will scare the bejeezus out of a distracted passerby and make an Ian Callum or Henrik Fisker regurgitate violently. Here we go…

Lexus IS-350

Lexus IS

This is arguably the most garish face since……ever! It reminds me of the Predator, and rightfully so.

2014 Jeep Cherokee Trailhawk

Jeep Cherokee

Are you kidding me? If you are actually going to sell this face, then “Gangnam Style” should be its theme song.

2013 Lincoln MKZ

Lincoln MKZ

The ugly doesn’t run right up and startle you, it glides up and then you realize: “its elegant ugly”. Sort of like The Shining.

Mitsubishi i-MIEV

Toyota Prius / Chevy Volt / Mitsubishi i-Miev Electric

My stand hasn’t changed. Electric cars would sell better if they looked better. The monsters on Dr. Who aren’t as ugly as they are strange. So is the case with these.

Fiat 500L

Fiat 500L

It looks as if someone hooked an air hose up to a Fiat 500 and started pumping.

Mitsubishi Outlander

Mitsubishi Outlander

Are they done designing it?

Lamborghini Veneno

Lamborghini Veneno

Just in case you were wondering. Yes, Satan has a mask.

These are my picks for a ride that will be as ghastly as your costume. Happy Hallowheels!

Hallowheels Gallery

What are some of your picks for “Hallowheels”?


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